I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
