Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
