Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
