if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
