We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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