apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
