one two three fourrrrnication!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
