I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
