when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
