Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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