he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize