puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
