Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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