I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
