Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
