idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
