Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
