That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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