He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
