You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
