Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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