Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
