I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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