I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
