The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
