The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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