She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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