My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
