I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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