God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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