Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
