Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
