The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
