i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize