He felt like a one man threesome
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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