Sober January is a disaster.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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