i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
