i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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