Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
