he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
