there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
