Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
