Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
