My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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