Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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