Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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