I can text with my tongue
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
