i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
