maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
