I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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