I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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