I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
