i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
