just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
