What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
