So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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