I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
