apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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