You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
