There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
