I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
