fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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