I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
