it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
