Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
