Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
